i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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