Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
