Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
