If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
