I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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