You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
