The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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