Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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