fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want her autograph on my taint
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
