Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
