Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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