when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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