Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
