It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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