I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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