I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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