No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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