You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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