party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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