The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
