On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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