Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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