I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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