I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
