So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
