my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
