So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She is in my trunk
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
