Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
