I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
