"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
