My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
