That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
there is glitter all over my balls
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