We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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