Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
