he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
