you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't put those talents on a resume
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
