After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
