We're like a lot better than the average bears
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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