He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
