it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
