didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
