Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
