ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
