I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
