Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
