I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
