a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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