You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
