Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
