I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
