it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
