? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just pynch a tree in the face
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
