oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
