I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
vagina is talking i cant
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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